The Bridge to Connectedness…

I love when a theme emerges with my clients and this month’s theme has been about feeling “safe” in relationships. When we use respect with each other and truly cherish our partners’ and our kids’ strengths AND weaknesses, we make them feel SAFE with us. They feel able to be honest, able to be vulnerable without fear and able to open their hearts and share with us; this is what leads to true connectedness and intimacy in relationships.  This is what we all crave and yearn for from those we love. Look inward at how you might make your partner or kids feel “unsafe” with you and work to hold your tongue when criticism or harshness comes. Your compassion and unconditional love are your greatest bridges to true connectedness.

Wishing you balance,

Bette Levy Alkazian, LMFT, BCPC

from MOMIPEDIA on Facebook 7-27-16

Work Hard to Live Happily Ever After

Having kids changes your relationship dramatically! Of course, you’re all laughing at me right now and calling me “Captain Obvious”, right? How can it not? You’re more tired, the physical demands are immense, the emotional demands are even greater, there are financial strains and at the end of the day, we often don’t have much left to give to our partners. Of course, kids also bring immense joy, fulfillment, fun and so many wonderful blessings!
Parents must push through all of those blessings and burdens and prioritize time with each other. Taking care of your marriage is essential on so many levels that I don’t know where to start.

First, modeling a loving relationship for your kids is very important. How will they ever have loving relationships if they don’t know what one looks like? Next, kids need to know that the whole world doesn’t revolve around THEM. When parents put each other first, the kids learn to respect adults. They learn that they sometimes have to wait and that the world doesn’t operate only for them. There are others who come first. This is so important in the fight against “entitlement”.

Another key reason for parents to take care of their marriages is so that their kids will feel safe and secure. When Mom and Dad are doing ok, the kids are ok. The parents are the foundation of the family. When the foundation is solid, all is well with the world!

People are living longer and healthier lives than ever before. We are raising our kids for a much shorter percentage of our married lives. Wouldn’t it be great if at the time our kids are all launched that we are so excited to travel and enjoy spending time alone again with our spouses? To me, that’s the ultimate goal!!

The road to that goal isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be a pretty bumpy road at times. That’s true for most couples. The key is commitment. You don’t leave when the going gets tough, you stay and work hard. That’s the message I hope you want to teach your kids, as well, as benefit from yourself.

So, treat yourself to the marriage of your dreams and give your kids 1,000,000 gifts in the process!